A year ago, I was thinking – 48 of 100

I found this in my saved drafts. It’s pretty sweet to see where my head was at a year ago. And think about those long, lazy Sunday mornings. I’m thinking in this next week, I’ll try to clean up a few of the pieces lingering in my drafts folder. Why not?

It is early-ish on a Sunday morning. Well it is exactly 7:47 a.m. but it feels SO early because it is still pitch dark out, as tends to be the case on winter mornings in the Great White North. The house is silent except for hum of the refrigerator and the heat kicking through the vents.

I don’t really have much to write about today but I wanted to sit down and try.

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I am 35 weeks pregnant. Five weeks to go. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less. We’re at this funny moment where nothing is really happening in our life and yet everything is happening. Weekend mornings are devoted to coffee and long hours of reading. Eventually we’ll get the grocery store. Maybe take a walk.

Usually, I would go bonkers with this kind of quiet. We would be racing for the ski hill, driving to the mountains. But right now, it is like medicine.

I find myself looking around and studying this time, knowing that in one year, three years, 10 and 15 years, I will say, ‘remember when we used to wake up on Saturday mornings and read for hours on the couch and it was so quiet? Remember how good it was?’ Of course at that time we’ll be in throes of some other kind of good. Or maybe things will be hard. Or somewhere in between.

But right now is good.

The other week, I slipped into Dan’s arms and said, ‘Do you think we’ll always be this happy?’

He shook his head. ‘No. Not always.’

Of course he’s right. We can’t always be happy. Life can’t always be just right.

Sometimes, I can’t believe the person who will change our lives the most is growing right now inside my belly. That we haven’t met them yet. Perhaps it is knowing that we are about to embark on the greatest change, challenge, adventure that I am dwelling in calm right now. I am letting it swirl around and soothe me. Until this mysterious miraculous creature becomes the centre.

3 thoughts on “A year ago, I was thinking – 48 of 100

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