As far as shoulder seasons go, I’ve always loved fall. In the north, spring isn’t the prettiest time – muddy, naked tree-d and, in Calgary, I wouldn’t associate spring with warmth. But this weekend, I had a love on for spring.
It was warm. People were outside turning their faces to the sun like sunflowers. On Saturday, Dan opened up all the windows upstairs and the house filled with fresh air and sunlight. I walked into our bedroom and I felt something…Something new. And maybe I am feeling this ‘something’ a bit more with my giant belly, waiting for this mysterious person to join our lives.
Sometimes I think about crazy close the baby is – separated from us by just inches of skin and tissue—and yet, how far away they are as long as they are living in their watery world.
Now, I’m sitting in bed with the window open, the morning sun streaming in, a cup of red raspberry leaf tea beside me and a world of birds chirping outside my window.
Everything is about to change.
And while I’m rushing desperately to try to get a million things done – stuff our freezer full of meals (I have truly been possessed by the need to stock that freezer, it is no joke), do our taxes, finish my book, get Dan’s clothes moved out of James’s room into the bedroom, make sure the laundry’s done, the kitchen’s clean, etc., there are so many things I don’t want to forget:
- I don’t want to forget Dan’s and my one-night babymoon. How James was up at 4:30 a.m. with a cough and for a minute we weren’t sure if we could go. But we hit the road bleary eyed and by 1:30 p.m. were wrapped in spa robes on our way to the massage table. We spent hours at the Banff Springs mineral pool, Dan floating me on back back so I could listen to the Sigur-Ros like music under the water, watching the clouds float over the window-ed ceiling. And then room service breakfast by our very own fireplace and just…having a long nothing-everything morning like we always used to.
- How James loves to read about 25 books the moment he wakes up, snuggled under “soft blankey” – preferably about trucks and diggers (what else?)
- The way he points and exclaims: “Look at that!” when he sees anything that’s anything.
- Or how he’ll look up proudly from the potty and say: “I’m peeing!” Then jump up and say: “I peed!” beaming with all the pride in the world.
- How James walked into the house yesterday and said: “I’m home! I’m happy to see you Mommy!” Or at dinner last night, when he said: “Thank you for dinner Mommy.”
- How I can randomly say “Doesn’t a McFlurry sound good right now?” – and about 20 minutes later, Dan has delivered an Oreo McFlurry to my side.
- Naps. Long afternoon naps for everyone on the weekends.
- How good the Shrooms episode of Love was. (Coyot-e!) How it made me long for those slightly crazier days that were somehow both more carefree and far more stressful. Falling in love. Silly, awesome adventures about town. Wondering how the heck things would turn out. And also how it made me appreciate where I am right at this moment…(and perhaps leaving me with a hankering for some future fun).
- All of us in bed at the end of the day, snuggled into the pillows, under the covers, wrapped up in each other’s arms, reading Iggy Peck Architect, Lego book, the Gruffalo, Curious George. James asking for ‘snuggle time’ and then popping onto his feet and trying to wrestle instead before we zip him into his sleeping bag to say goodnight.
- How it is – just the three of us – me, Dan and James. I keep thinking: this time, these two years of the three of us will be a blip on our lives. James won’t even remember it. Surely, Dan and I will barely remember it someday – after time has rubbed out the details. But these two years have felt monumental – an entire lifetime (indeed, James’s entire lifetime!) We became parents, James has learned to walk, talk, pee on the potty, make us laugh and a thousand other things. We have camped, hiked, fished – sometimes with more success than others. We bought our first house. We have become a family- with rituals and jokes and pitfalls and our own certain way of being. Of course all of the things we have done are much easier to write down than the essence of our us-ness.
It’s here now – for just a moment longer. The way everything always is.